BREAK MY FALL
by deetatarant
Summary: The fall out of that Phantasmal year has consequences for those who remember. Jack, Ianto and Tosh.


**AN: This takes place a few days after John leaves at the end of KKBB. It serves no purpose and I know this has been done to death but I hope to put a different spin on it anyway and if I haven't a little self-indulgence is good for the soul. It is dedicated to my absent but ever present in my heart friend, the late Solsbury Girl, with love. And now I must return to Child In Time.**

**Thanks for reading and keeping my fav show alive even if the likes of RTD seem to have abandoned it…..Can't wait for John Barrowman's book in October.**

BREAK MY FALL

It was late, Jack knew that much. The Hub had been switched over to night mode and he was aware that Tosh was still working at her computer even though the rest of the team had left hours before. Jack had resigned himself to a night of reading up on all of the reports logged during his prolonged absence. Ianto had kindly placed a large stack of folders on his desk and even more in the ominous 'to do' pile before he had quietly left for the night. The accompanying coffee softened the blow a little, as did the gentle smile with his departure. Jack had finished the coffee what felt like ages ago and was ready for another. He was about to rise from his seat when Tosh appeared in the doorway with another folder clutched against her chest and a slightly nervous smile on her face. Jack gave her a large grin in return and gestured to his visitor's chair on the other side of his overloaded desk.

"That looks suspiciously like more work for me to catch up on."

Toshiko took the seat and passed over the documents to Jack. Jack could sense her reluctance and arched an eyebrow.

"Tosh?" He placed the folder on top of the open one he'd been reading and turned the cover.

"I noticed that Ianto didn't include it in the pile you have there and I think you should read it Jack."

His curiosity and his impatience quickly got the better of him. "Why don't you tell me instead?"

Toshiko shifted uncomfortably in the chair, unwilling to betray Ianto's trust in her, but it was her duty and her loyalty to both Jack and Ianto that prompted her to speak.

"I can only tell pretty much what the report says. It's just while you were away Ianto was taken by the rift. He was missing for 10 days and when he came back he said he'd been gone for a year but he wouldn't talk about it other than something about a paradox and time lines, but he was….."

Jack felt his stomach turn to lead. "What else Tosh?"

She fidgeted with her hands for a moment. "When he came back he was in bad shape, malnourished and damaged. Owen thinks he was tortured but Ianto refused to answer any of our questions about what happened. He just behaved like nothing had gone on. You know what he was like after Lisa…. Well, he's been like that again and you know what that means Jack."

Jack nodded. "Yeah I do. Hasn't he talked to anyone?"

Toshiko shook her head. "We all tried Jack, but he was adamant that time lines could be affected and he said nothing. I know we all have to be careful about such things, but you look in his eyes and it's like the world has ended. It's like he has resigned himself to it and quite frankly that scares me Jack. Ianto is the strongest man I know. Out of all of us and after everything he went through he still managed to find the strength to keep going, even at his lowest points."

Jack couldn't disagree, he had seen Ianto at his worst in the wake of Lisa's demise and even then Ianto had somehow managed to move forward from his grief. "And you're certain it was the rift that was responsible for his disappearance?"

"No I am not. The rift has been acting oddly for weeks as you know from the logs and most of the readings were new to us so it is only an assumption, and there is no way to verify that one way or another."

Jack leant back in his chair and wiped his hands down his face. "Where was he found when he came back?"

"That's the really weird part. He was found on board the new UNIT ship Valiant, in one of their holding cells. A Dr Martha Jones contacted us, but UNIT denied any responsibility, they won't tell us a damn thing."

Jack knew UNIT wouldn't discuss anything to do with that missing year aboard the Valiant because a collective decision had been made to file that year as having never happened. He felt his chest constrict as his own memories of those events threatened to swamp him again. He'd been lucky the TARDIS had proved a good place to heal before coming home. Jack could only assume that Ianto remembered the missing year as well and if he'd been found on the Valiant it could only mean one thing. Ianto had been a captive of the Master.

"Jack?"

He was brought out of his musings. "I'll talk to him Tosh. I have a feeling I know what this is about."

Tosh sat up. "What happened?"

"Unfortunately, like UNIT it is not a matter I can discuss, but certain events took place whilst I was away resulting in a paradox being created. It was reversed but it caused some damage and I think Ianto may have been caught up in it."

"But how, Jack you can't just leave it at that. This is Ianto we're talking about, he's my friend. How can any of us help him if we don't understand what happened?" Toshiko retorted indignantly.

Jack leant forwards and rested both his hands on top of the file. "Yes I can. Toshiko you have to trust me. I will talk to Ianto and try to help him through this, but he was right to remain silent, it's likely he doesn't even know that the paradox has been resolved and that things are back as they should be."

Toshiko glared at him. "That's not good enough Jack. Are you sure you are the right person to help him? You left him Jack, essentially to be with someone else. That hurt him. He was very subdued after you went and it was hard work getting him integrated into the team, but we managed it and he was brilliant Jack."

"I know Tosh, but he also knew I'd be leaving. I told him that. I know I have a lot to make up to him. I came back for him, I meant every word of that and I promise I will do my best for him."

"Then what are you doing here? Go and see him, you still have a key to his house, don't you?"

Jack automatically got up and dug into the deep pocket of his great coat which was hanging on the stand behind his desk. He held up a set of keys.

"I'll take tonight's watch Jack, please go and see him."

Jack slid the keys back into the pocket and put his coat on. He came round the desk and planted a gentle kiss on Tosh's forehead and without further word he strode from the Hub, thinking of how much he loved Tosh.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

It had been one of those days and Ianto felt his exhaustion creep up through his bones, stiffening the muscles in his back and making his head ache with a sharp throbbing that felt as though his temples would burst with each pulsing surge of pain. As soon as he got in his front door he jerked his tie free of his neck and went to the kitchen to make tea. Coffee would not be a good idea and for some insane reason he was craving tea. By the time he was pouring the boiling water over the Dilmah leaves in his teapot, his hands were shaking. Another day of holding himself in tight control was beginning to take its toll. The kettle hit the bench with a loud thud and Ianto reached into the fridge for the bottle of Forty Below. He added a generous measure of the vodka to the brewing tea before pouring himself a mugful. Ianto wasn't quite sure how he had acquired the taste for tea and vodka, but now he just drank it and rather enjoyed the soothing burn of hot liquid and alcohol with a slightly bitter after taste. Mug in hand he wandered into his bedroom and toed off his shoes before lying down on his unmade bed. Ianto settled himself on his side with his head propped up in his hand in order to finish his drink. His stomach grumbled in protest with the onslaught of the booze with no food but Ianto ignored the added discomfort. He was too tired to be bothered getting anything to eat and the very notion of eating made his queasiness worse. He finished the tea in three swallows and dumped the mug onto the carpet. Sleep stole him away.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Jack swung through the little gate glancing at the front window of Ianto's end terrace house as he marched toward the front door. No lights were on and the blinds were down but something odd made Jack pause and look harder. There were metal grills behind the glass. It seemed like wire fencing had been fixed in the window frame but under the light of an orange street lamp it was hard to be sure. Jack wandered over to the window to get a better look and was stopped short when he noticed a thin beam of red light running across the front of the house at shin height. On closer inspection it became clear that Ianto's front garden was riddled with anti-intruder detection devices. Jack rolled up the sleeve of his coat to get to his wrist strap and deactivated the alarm system. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb the neighbours with a load of sirens going off. The presence of these devices disturbed Jack more than he cared to admit to himself and with keys in hand he went to the front door.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Ianto jerked awake, wrenched from his sleep by the vibrating alarm under his pillow. He rolled himself off the far side of the bed and grabbed the semi-automatic pistol that was stowed in the beside cabinet. Shaking his head to focus he screwed a silencer to the barrel of the gun and then knelt, leaning against the bed the gun in a two handed grip aimed at the door. He waited straining to hear in the near darkness. His hands were sweating and he readjusted his grip on the weapon he held and licked his lips. He heard a key turn in his front door and the door open. Ianto mentally cursed himself for forgetting to draw the bolts across the previous evening. The door was closed and there were tentative footsteps coming toward the bed room, hesitation and then the handle was turned. The door opened and a shadowed figure stepped in. Ianto yelled, squeezed off a shot and then realised his mistake.

"Oh God!"

"Jeeze Ianto, what the fuck?" Jack's pained accented shout filled the room. Ianto dropped the gun and flicked on the bedside lamp. When he looked up Jack was standing there clutching his upper arm and cursing.

"God Jack, I am so sorry. Oh God, I'll get the first aid kit." He moved around the bed as Jack sat down and shrugged off his coat to inspect the damage. Ianto dashed from the room in a panic.

"Shit." Jack rolled up his shirt sleeve. Thankfully the bullet had gone through the flesh only and already his healing ability was kicking in, the first aid would be a pointless exercise. What he needed was a clean shirt, coffee and a damn good explanation. Ianto appeared a moment later a small plastic box gripped tightly in his left hand. Jack looked up at the younger man, who looked dazed and shocked, his unruly bed hair sticking out at all angles and his appearance made worse by yesterday's slept in suit. This was not the Ianto Jack knew.

"It's ok Ianto, you're a lousy shot, and it's just a graze. It's ok."

It took a few moments for Jack's reassurance to have the desired effect but Ianto stepped forwards anyway, reaching out to attend to Jack's injury.

"I'm so sorry Jack, I'm so sorry…."

Jack gripped Ianto's arm, stilling him and silencing him. "Ianto stop! It is okay; now sit down before you fall down." Jack pulled and Ianto plonked down on to the bed beside him, the first aid kit falling from his hand and landing on the carpet.

Ianto wouldn't meet his look and clasped his hands on his lap. Jack went back to inspecting the injury.

"See look, it's healing already." He tried to sound upbeat. "No harm done." Ianto didn't reply and Jack took a moment to take a good look at his youngest team member, his breath froze in his lungs.

"Ianto you look terrible. How come I didn't see this when I first got back?"

The younger man shrugged unwilling to answer. Jack glanced around the bedroom and realised that there were metal ammunition boxes stacked up against the chest of drawers. Cardboard boxes were against the walls stacked three high.

"Ianto?" Jack reached out a hand as he continued to look around him. "Talk to me, tell what is going on here, your house looks like you are preparing for a siege."

Ianto edged away from his touch but did face him and Jack was confronted by gaunt, haunted features.

"You know I'm good at hiding things sir. I am not sure I should be talking to you. Something's gone wrong with time and you were always drilling it into us about not messing with the Rift or Time or some other thing."

Jack withdrew his hand, disappointed by Ianto's cringing away from him but somehow not surprised.

"Tosh told me that you went missing, she handed me the file, the one you decided I shouldn't see."

"I see. Tosh shouldn't have done that." Ianto was beginning to look like a feral animal, ready to bolt, his body rigid with tension. Jack tried again, reaching out a hand and grasping Ianto's wrist.

"She was right to tell me. I'm looking around here and something bad clearly happened to you during your missing days and I think I may have some insight into that."

He could feel the faintest of trembles rippling through Ianto and Jack decided to dive straight in with his explanation.

"The year you claim to have experienced did happen. I was there, I lived through it too."

Ianto froze, staring at him utter bewilderment and it broke Jack's heart. He carried on though, knowing he had to in order to reassure Ianto that things were back as they should be. He rubbed his thumb soothingly against Ianto's wrist in an effort to calm what looked like an impending panic attack as Ianto's breaths shortened and became rapid and shallow. Jack tugged him close and enveloped him in his arms. Ianto was rigid in his embrace.

"Ianto, it is alright. I swear to you. The paradox has been fixed. Saxon is gone and the Toclafane will never appear here. Everything is better now."

"You really were there?" It was so quiet Jack barely heard the tremulous question.

Jack squeezed a little tighter. "Yes, I was there."

Ianto broke, his body shuddering as he heaved up sobs from deep inside gut. Jack moved his hand and Ianto's head under his chin, gently cradling his head against his chest. He closed his eyes trying his hardest not to cry as well. He'd been there and done that having been comforted and held by the Doctor, Martha, the Jones family and the TARDIS herself. They had helped him heal and they had all helped each other recover from the trauma of that year.

Ianto had had no one. Jack found himself wondering what had happened to the young man he realised during his year of torment that he loved. He had known that he had felt that way about Ianto even before the whole Lisa episode. In the face of that betrayal and the hurt it caused him, the love hadn't wavered and his respect for Ianto's strength of character had only increased.

"Sssshhh Ianto, its ok. It's over now, you don't have to worry." Jack rocked him gently and petted Ianto's head.

Ianto continued to cry and Jack decided to let him do it.

Jack wasn't aware of much else for a long time. Ianto's trembling tears continued for some hours or it could have been days. It felt like years. He could feel Ianto's fingers clenching into the fabric of his shirt and the dampness of tears and sweat seeping through his clothes from the man in his arms. Jack closed his eyes trying not to imagine what had happened to Ianto during that year that had been so terrible it had brought him down to this broken thing. He remembered his own horrors, repeated deaths and vivisections at the hands of Saxon; Jack refused to think of him as The Master.

"It's okay. I've got you, it's okay." Jack murmured the mantra repeated in soft even tones. In that moment he was convincing himself as much as he was Ianto.

The night slid by with the sound of the occasional car driving past Ianto's house. A chill hung in the air and Jack realised his lower back was aching with effort of sitting up and stopping Ianto from falling out of his grip and onto the carpet. He wasn't sure at which point Ianto had finally stilled and silenced himself into sleep. Jack continued to hold him unwilling to disturb his rest even though it was not a comfortable position for either of them. Finally his own tiredness began to catch up with him and Jack carefully eased down backwards onto the bed and rolled Ianto onto the sheets. He edged away and stretched out aching muscles and then gently lifted Ianto's legs and arranged him into a more comfortable position on his side. Jack toed off his boots and took his bloodied shirt off, dumping it on the floor. He grabbed the rumpled duvet and pulled it over Ianto and got under it beside him wrapping himself and the covers around Ianto like a shield.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

The feeling was so unfamiliar that it took Ianto by surprise. He jerked into wakefulness only to feel warm strong arms holding him against a solid wall with a beating heart. A spicy scent immediately flooded his nostrils as he breathed in and Ianto moved into the warmth and murmured.

"Jack, you stayed." He really couldn't believe it. He could feel fingertips massaging his scalp and the steady rhythm of Jack's breathing was as soothing as listening to as the gentle surge of the sea.

"Yeah. How could I not?"

Ianto didn't want to reply, didn't want conversation at all.

"Don't speak; just hold me Jack, please." It sounded pathetic, even to his own ears, but Ianto didn't much care.

He felt the gentle pressure of a kiss to the top of his head and a slight tightening of the arm wrapped around him. Ianto knew he could lose himself here and wished that he could die right then in the middle of a perfect moment.

Jack didn't say a word.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Jack wondered if he should be holding his breath, he was afraid to break the moment of peace that Ianto seemed to be experiencing so he lay there, with Ianto snuggled tightly against his chest and gently Jack soothed his hair down and kissed his head repeatedly. There was nothing else he could do except keep the rest of the world out for a little while longer. The time to talk would come soon enough, too soon most likely. He watched the early morning light filter through the wire grill and curtains that obscured the window. A faint glow from the sunlight warming the room and highlighting the harshness of impersonal walls and the stacks of boxes Ianto had gathered together. Jack could only wonder at what Ianto had been doing during his absence or what had happened to him during that phantasmal year. He had known nothing of Ianto's actions or whereabouts whilst he'd been in chains on board the Valiant.

The question of what had happened to Ianto gnawed at his gut but Jack gave nothing of his concerns away. He relished the feel of the man beside him even as he was, dressed in yesterday's clothes smelling of old sweat and tears Jack could feel the strength of the man's soul and the power of his love. Ianto was a force of nature unlike any other man Jack had known and whilst perhaps not magical and mythical like his Doctor, Ianto's deep loyalty and sense of what was right was unwavering even in the worst of situations. Ianto would never run away from the things he feared. Jack recalled the Doctor running away from him twice now.

"You're thinking too much Jack. I can hear the turning of your inner cogs."

Jack chuckled and kissed Ianto's head again. "Sssshhhh." He felt Ianto move closer, if that were at all possible.

"Break my fall Jack. I don't know how to stop falling."

"Don't worry Ianto. I'm good at catching."


End file.
